Ah an interesting question that comes up quite a bit on forums, question boards (such as Yahoo R&S) and even in “real” life. Can a Christian and an atheist date? Well… obviously they can, but the better question to ask is: can an atheist and a christian date successfully. By successfully I mean having a happy and long lasting relationship.
This is a complex question and without a doubt the answer will be different for every couple as quite a few factors come into play. So, let’s take a look at some of those things that may play a key role in determining if an atheist and christian relationship will be successful; starting with the most immediate, and to me, the largest factors. Keep in mind that this is list is not exhaustive and that not every factor will apply to every couple. More so it is an account of the factors that I have personally experienced and feel are important.
- Initial Interaction: This may be the most obvious factor but nevertheless it is a large factor and worth noting. Initial interaction is of course the immediate connection between two people. You may have heard people claim “we just clicked” when describing their first few dates. This “click” is an important agent in any relationship but the importance is accentuated when opposing beliefs come into play. If two people can’t get along, find things in common and be able to communicate with each other from the start, then there isn’t going to be much hope of success when religion comes into play. This is especially dependent on the next factor:
- Degree of Beliefs: How strong a person is a believer or a non-believer and the extent to which they portray this is probably the second largest determining factor regarding the question of whether or not a religious person and an irreligious person will have a successful relationship. If you put a militant atheist with a believer it’s bound to spell trouble. Regardless of how strong of beliefs the believer holds, they are not likely going to be able to put up with the constant arguments brought about by the militant atheist. Of course the atheist could just not bring up arguments, but that wouldn’t be very militant ;). This also works vice versa: an atheist, even an agnostic is not likely going to be able to put up with the constant preaching of a a fundamentalist say. If you’re in a relationship and are a militant atheist and your partner is a fundamentalist evangelist, I’d like to hear about how that works. Tied in closely to this factor is the next point:
- Extent to Which the Christian Follows the Bible: This is definitely a defining factor for the christian, and probably not so much for the atheist. A year or two ago I would have said it wasn’t a big deal, but I have since been enlightened by a few christians who have pointed me to the scripture below:
(2 Cor 6:14-18): 14 Do not be mismatched with unbelievers. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship is there between light and darkness? 15 What agreement does Christ have with Beliar? Or what does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will live in them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17 Therefore come out from them, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch nothing unclean; then I will welcome you, 18 and I will be your father, and you shall be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”
The first sentence pretty much sums this up and nullifies the chances of dating an atheist for any christian that actually follows this crap. I’m not sure about how it is in the U.S., but in Canada I haven’t came across many people that take this into account. I suspect most christians don’t even know this is a rule. This could depend on the next factor:
4. Family: I suspect that most atheist families wouldn’t care if someone related was dating a christian or someone of another faith. Perhaps if they were a hardcore militant atheist then they might fuss about it, but for the majority of atheist families I doubt it would be an issue. On the christian side however, it would probably often be a huge defining factor. This is due to the way a lot of christians view atheists: evil, immoral creatures set out to fornicate with their angelic family member. Ok, it might not be quite like that, but you get the point. Like with any relationship, if the family is against the partner in question, it can put a lot of strain on the relationship and in the end it might just be the ruin of it. Finally:
5. Acceptance: This is pretty self-explanatory. You may not be able to agree on beliefs, but if you can accept each others beliefs and agree to disagree without frequently battling over them, then that can go a long way.
As you can see there are a lot of determinants intricately involved and intertwined in whether or not an atheist and a christian can date successfully. This is not, by far, a complete list but it is some things which I have myself experienced as some of you may have as well. Opposing beliefs can put a real and sometimes constant strain on the relationship and some couples just aren’t meant to be.
Not to fear though, for there is hope! As the christians would probably say “god works in mystereous ways,” and well, I say it has more to do with how bad you want each other. I’ve had my catholic girlfriend for over 2 years, and I admit at times it takes hard work when it comes to the religious debate… after all, I run an atheist blog. However, we both can look past our beliefs and find a common ground as I’m sure any couple is capable of - it just takes sacrifices (and I don’t mean pinning people on crosses).
Marriage and kids are a completely different story, and thus a different post.
- The Noose
December 29th, 2008 at 4:01 am
My wife is a christian and I am an atheist. We’ve been together 5 years and married almost 4.
December 29th, 2008 at 4:06 am
That’s excellent to hear! It’s definitely by no means impossible to have a good relationship, I hope the post didn’t come off that way.
December 29th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Healthy relationship is easy. Having kids I wonder about though…
December 29th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Married 8 years with two kids, athiest and mormon
yes, it’s possible. takes tolerance and understanding.
December 29th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
I have been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years, shes a catholic and im an atheist. We get along really well and have a great relationship.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Together 11 years, married 10, 2 kids and 4 cats. She’s christian, I’m atheist. Children left to decide for themselves after exposure to many religious and non-religious beliefs.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
I think that’s how I would do it too. Give my children the choice between all the alternatives. It wouldn’t be fair to force them one way or another.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
My boyfriend was an atheist, but as I Christian I knew I could love him regardless.
He cheated on me, and lied when confronted.
It turns out he thought that was fine, that we make our own morality.
So I dumped him.
Are all atheists like that: I don’t know. I met his friends, they were all like that.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Julie, I’m sorry to hear that. Not all atheists are like that however, such as myself.
The fact that all his friends were like that probably had little to do with the fact that they were all atheist, and more to do with the fact that they all had the same views and morals. Like people tend to choose to hang out with like people. Their atheism may have been one common attribute but atheism doesn’t equate to immorality.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Of course they can, it’s called lying. It’s how things work in the real world.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
@ Julie, I’ve known a few people that I would consider “Holy Rollers” that have cheated on their loved one. They used the argument that the loved one was not devoted enough, or that they were an atheist as justification. I personally don’t think it comes down to ones religious beliefs or convictions. It comes down to ones moral compass.
December 29th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Julie, I keep hearing about how Christian Republican Senators keep getting caught having secret homosexual sex or secret acts of pedophilia. There’s been quite a lot of this this last year. Question: Are all Christians like this? How about Republicans?
It looks like you were just about to fall into the Fallacy of Composition (that is, what is true of parts is not true of the whole).
Something interesting to think about: the conductor of the Stanford Prison Experiments believes that one’s morality is contextual. What we believe is moral can radically change depending on our circumstances. Read up on the experiment for more. His subjects that were the guards in power threw out their own morality and even their own ideas of what was humane.
December 29th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
My girlfriend is christian, I’m atheist, we’ve been dating for about 5 years and have a wonderful 2 year old son, we are going to marry in one month.
It’s all good so far, of course there is some debate but in general terms we respect each other and do not make a huge issue.
I think one determinant factor is that she hates church, she’s a christian at her own way and she see church as just people profiting from people’s faith, she thinks you don’t need church to have an intimate relation with god. I just think you don’t need church and neither god, that’s the only difference we have.
December 30th, 2008 at 1:11 am
I’m a strong atheist, and I had a girlfriend that was a devout Christian for 2 years.
She was always wanting to take me to church, and I wanted to put off the inevitable conversation as long as I possibly could, so I would always find excuses. Eventually, she finally asked me directly what I believe in.
After I told her, she pretended to be fine with it for the longest time. She would still ask me to go to church constantly, she told me she was going to try to convert me.
To be honest, things moved foolishly fast, and we where getting pretty serious. We would sometimes talk about what it would be like to get married after college, and have kids and all of that happy stuff, and she told me she would never have kids with someone who doesn’t go to church, because she wanted to raise Christian children, and the children needed a father who supports their religion. I said its best to let the children decide for themselves what they believe in, weather it be atheism or theism, with as little influence as we can give.
blah blah blah obvious story and events later and we broke up.
About a year later, another girl and I were starting to get to know each other pretty well, and I asked her out. She already knew I was an atheist, we’d talked about it before. What happens? Rejected due to religion. Again.
It is ridiculously frustrating. I would be more then happy to be with someone even if we had conflicting views. Its what makes life interesting. I wouldn’t try to “convert” her to atheism, and I wouldn’t mock her religion. I don’t do that to strangers and I certainly won’t do that to someone I deeply care about.
But nope. For most girls in my town, atheism = instant no as far as dating goes.
To give you a idea of where I live, my town has a population of a bit over 3000, I can only think of about 10 atheists (also lumped with agnostics) I know.
December 30th, 2008 at 1:17 am
Oh, and I forgot to mention, she brought up the scriptures you mentioned in your post at one point.
January 5th, 2009 at 12:35 am
Together 9 years. Married 1. My wife is a Christian, I’m an atheist.
January 7th, 2009 at 9:09 am
I’m dealing with the same thing myself in a relationship issue i’m having, myself being the agnostic with a degree in humanities, and she is a Christian but her parents are EXTREMELY devout, and they that rule from 2 Corinthians quite literally, and that if they allow me to stay involved in her life then THEY are betraying God…Ive known her for 3 years since we met at a community college and she honours what I my thoughts and why I believe them, but I always remind her that she should never be afraid to share any of her beliefs because of conflicting beliefs. I told her that faith is like a piece of a Jenga tower in a person’s character, you force that out then the whole thing crashes down. But what she found interesting was when I attended a bible study, I came upon another interesting quote from 1 Corinthians. When I read this, it seemed to me that it nullifies the dominating rule that says no.
1 Corinthians 7:12-13 12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
sooo…..thoughts anyone?
January 7th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Hi Steve,
Thanks for the comment and story.
That quote is quite interesting and I was unaware of it, as I’m sure many are. I’m wondering who is speaking here as it says “but to the rest speak I, not the Lord”. Where the other passage is said to be stated by god, this one appears to have a different speaker. I’m not sure how that would play in to it - since the bible in its entirety is supposedly god inspired.
I’ll look into that and see what the consensus is - although to be honest, there rarely ever is one.
January 16th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
WOW
I’ve always been raised in the church myself first in a catholic school and then switched over to a Southern Baptist when I moved to the south. I definitely agree that a lot of churches make money off of peoples faith which is totally wrong whether you call it a sin or just down right wrong morally. I believe in God and I know the Bible tells me that those who do not believe in it are going much further south where its hot but never sunny!!
I’ve just always had an issue with not giving people choices and the ability to make your own decisions and choose your own path. Does that make me a bad christian in most eyes yes in some no. All I know is that at the end of the day its what you believe in is whats going to carry you through and if your belief happens to be the wrong belief at the end of your days then….I’m assuming you are just out of luck!!
I believe in God and you should to. Why you ask? You tell me its about faith and with faith you have to form your own reason to believe or not to believe.
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Just got rejected by a christian girl the other day… due to religion. (I am atheist). Not sure if she was just using it as an excuse, but we were definitely pretty close.
Meh. reading this makes me feel a little bit better.
March 8th, 2009 at 4:25 am
My mom is a Christian and my dad’s an atheist and I’m Protestant! Hehe….My dad seriously doesn’t care, when we go to church he just stays home and watches some football. Sometimes he ask why do we go and stuff, but I just say I like it there ’cause to be honest, I do like church. My mom still loves him though they do argue sometimes about my dad not being spiritually disciplined and stuff. My older brother after becoming an adult decided to be atheist with my dad too. I wonder if I’ll go to hell for having a non-believer as a father….?
March 13th, 2009 at 10:27 am
There’s no reason why a Christian and an atheist shouldn’t date, if they are both tolerant people. I used to be a Christian and an atheist at the same time, and was dating a conservative Christian. Our religious differences didn’t matter. We discussed our differences occasionally, but never tried to convert each other, or put each other down.
I now run a Christian website, and part of my aim is for Christians to be more tolerant to atheists.
May 4th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
how can you be be a cristian and an atheist at the same time??
the two are very MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE,i think you’re clearly agnostic or an athesist
anyway i’m 17 and like this boy and he likes me but im a christian and he’s an atheist. i wasnt aware of his beliefs when we met and we got quite close. now i know he’s an atheist i dont know what to do. i still like him but hate the fact hes an atheist.ive always had the belivef that athesits live a life of hedonism and immorality and would never have wanted that in a boyfiend. should i stay away??…
May 10th, 2009 at 10:46 am
That’s a tough one, because you’re trying to decide if liking him for his personality is either equally or more important than liking him for his beliefs. This is tricky because “personality” and “beliefs” often intersect–they’re both factors that define a person. I don’t by any means have the solution to this dilemma, but maybe these questions can be helpful: 1) What do you like about him? (is it physical, relational, etc.?). 2) How does he treat you ? Also important, how does he treat others?
I have a Christian background, but have been questioning Christianity in particular and religion in general. I’ll just say that I believe in God, but not as He or She has been portrayed in the Bible (that’s all I can speak to right now). I have a few close friends who are atheists or agnostics, and to be quite honest, I’ve learned a great deal from them. In fact, they follow their moral compasses with more precision than many Christians I know. To me, religion has no bearing on a person’s level of goodness or righteousness. I think what’s important is this: Do you feel that knowing this person makes you grow in ways that will make you a better person?
May 13th, 2009 at 3:12 am
Hello all, I googled “is it wrong to date an atheist if I am christian” I was navigated to this blog (which I have to say is quite informative). Anywho, I am a christian and actually a preacher’s kid. I recently started dating my ex-boyfriend from high school again. He recently lost his job ( recession hits home) and is going through a messy divorce, in turn he has been really depress lately. I told him that we should pray about it and that God will make a way some how. That night he said to me that he did not believe in God. I was devastated. I did not sleep all night. I care about him a lot and do not want to break up with him to add to his depressed state, but I believe that breaking up is inevitable. I still want to continue to be his friend either way, but I can not see spending my life with an unbeliever. Any suggestions?
May 19th, 2009 at 4:34 am
me = Atheist
boyfriend = Christian
We’ve loved each other forever practically. Religion is never (and I mean it, never) an issue for us. If it comes up in coversation I talk and he listens. he talks and I listen. We get a burger. We watch some basketball.
Of all the problems our country (as well as the rest of the world) faces today, religious differences are the least of our problems.
June 14th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
I’m an atheist. But when I married my wife I was still a Christian, and it was a major pillar of our relationship. So when I started studying and learning and realised that Christianity was false, mythical, contradictory… it was a big blow to her and to our relationship.
To cut a long story short, we eventually split up. The thing that hurt me the most wasn’t that she believed - that wasn’t a problem and I still loved her. No, what hurt the most was that she wouldn’t talk about it.. she wasn’t curious to know my reasons. She preferred to hide her head in the sand and not hear anything. So this big gap opened up in our communication.
Of course - that’s fair enough - I couldn’t make her listen. But it did hurt. Her lack of curiosity, her determination to avoid thinking, was what pulled us apart in the end.
One final point - think about stereotypes. I keep reading, here and elsewhere, about “militant” atheists. That’s just nonsense. Atheists don’t have a command telling them to convert anyone - Christians do. Atheists aren’t commanded to be like soldiers - Christians are. In my experience, it’s always Christians who start the “discussion” - then they call you “angry” and “militant” when you start pointing out the serious flaws in their beliefs!
June 18th, 2009 at 5:24 am
As a university student involved and following the laws of maths, physics and chemistry combined, I have an immense requirement for proof and backing of a mathematical and scientific grounding in many of the theories over the creation of life, belief, cause and effect. Thus strongly leading me into a realm of atheism.
So here’s the issue, myself and a truly devout Christian get along really well. And by devout I talking a very frequent church goer with many bible and prayer meetings, Christian society chairlady and so forth. However, I really like this person and knowing that she also likes me i suggest we date. Yet I was turned down for being an atheist, the main reason being not that she can’t date a non-Christian but a culmination of personal fears she has. Let me outline a few of them I’ve unveiled through discussion:
a) Through her belief she’s established that those not accepting Jesus into their lives will not proceed to heaven after life. Disliking this because she cannot bare the thought of her family and friends being with her in heaven, and wishes not to get involved with an atheist for the upset these thoughts would cause her.
b) She would be dating someone who would miss out on a large part of her life, and doesn’t like the idea of this, as the do spend a lot of time based around religious activities.
c) She believes strongly in no sex before marriage, and feels that an atheist would provide more temptation to bend/brake this than her dating a Christian.
Now I’m a person who lives his life through morals, and so a fundamental role in my life is respect for others. With this I respect her beliefs for what they are, and the fact that she will follow them. I will not try and take her from her beliefs. Through this respect ‘c)’ removes its self as an issue, and ‘b)’ is an issue that would iron its self out with time. However I cannot see a way to nullify or remove the first issue and I don’t wish to give up on this girl.
We talk about religion a lot of the time, she shares her veiws and her beleifs and I share mine. I am an athiest but as I have said to her if adequate proof is portrayed around christianity then it is likely to be taken onboard. I welcome proof and am open to new ideas and concepts. To which she has tried and to this point failed for about a year and a half to convert me to Christianity. Personally I cant see this happening, yet we’ll still chat about it when it comes up, with fresh debates, never heated, and we still remain really close.
So after that lengthy insight, to which I hope the reasons provided may help those who receive a blunt to ‘no’ see some other possible reasons behind a Christians response, I pose the question: If I remain an atheist and she a Christian have any of you come across any Bible or religion based material which may help me nullify issue ‘a)’ and thus persuade the Christian to date myself, or what other alternative solutions would you suggest?
June 20th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
My amazing boyfriend is an atheist and i a christian, my question is do you think God minds if we date nonbelievers? We get along really well and i love him, but my friends are christians and they tell me i shouldnt date an unbeliever, but i dont want to break up with him what can i do to feel that it is ok to date someone thats an atheist??
August 10th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I am an atheist and my boyfriend is a christian. He isn’t really an extreme fundamentalist but he’s going to bible college to be a pastor. I on the other hand am completely appalled by organized religion and think its the most idiotic thing humanity has ever dealt with. My boyfriend of three years has never forced me into anything and is completely accepting of my life style, he is amazing and a great guy. I just cant be with someone that believes in that. I cant live the rest of my life with someone who’s whole life is centered around the church. and you don’t have to be a pastor to have the focused point of your life be religion, this is a must for all christians.
September 9th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Hi,
So pretty much I’m not comfortable with labels… what-so-ever.. and i feel like when people give me one because they are more comfortable doing it its really offensive. For the blogs sake, i would be considered an “atheist.”
I am head over heals for an STRONG evangelical christian.. we just started seeing each other but he says if i don’t believe in God he would feel like he is “missionary dating.” He would always feel like hes trying to convert me because hes scared of whats going to happen to me in the after life constantly.
He mocks the big bang theory and evolution… two things i believe in strongly. We have come up with deal for now, that we would just let it be but eventually I’m pretty sure he expects me to “follow him.”
Am i compromising myself if i continue with the relationship?
Should i expect him to just accept me?
I don’t care what his beliefs are… why is he so set on mine..?
OH yeah… and he doesn’t want to have sex till marriage….. ahhh that’s something i see is really important to a relationship and i thought it over… i might be able to compromise if he just pulls his weight and get creative… but do you think i will eventually get sick of it?
I feel like im tolerating/compromising ALOT. but i really really like him.
HELP!
September 25th, 2009 at 3:13 am
Meg, you and I have the same, and we are in the same situation. Substitute evangelical christian for Mormon and really really like him for really really love him and you’ve got me.
I know how you feel, and I know exactly what you’re going through. i wish I had good news for you, but in my situation I see the relationship failing me. I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months and he converted officially just recently. I feel like i’m trapped by his archaic and intolerant views on the world.
My advice is to get out before you become like me, I feel like you can’t leave at all.
October 4th, 2009 at 3:51 am
Well,
I ran… and I really am glad that I did. He ended up telling his family that and their reaction was “oh noo…” Im pretty sure I just saved myself from humiliation and rejection. If your “other” is apprehensive from the start… the end just holds more demons. Im sorry to hear about your situation… but your not stuck. Think of it as being a head of the game. He is unfortunately the “pandoras box” in your life… and your opening it and ebracing his rejection towards you.
The only way I can see happyness in your future is shuting that box and embracing acceptance from someone who is willing to give it to you.
Feeling trapped isnt a real emotion… its an enabler for sadness. Find an enabler for happyness and set yourself free.
Your freedom is in your hands.
November 11th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Hi.. What do you think of an atheist constantly questioning the Christian why the have to believe in anything the christian believes in?
November 20th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
I’m an atheist/agnostic woman who has been dating a Christian man for about six months. Early on in the relationship we discussed our spiritual differences and, although we did not agree on everything, were able to learn from and tolerate each other–or so I believed. We had, I thought, a loving and trusting relationship, which mattered to me a great deal. Then he called me up one evening and told me that he can’t continue seeing me because I’m “not enough” for him. Since then he has consulted his spiritual circle and tells me that they are in agreement with him. He doesn’t want me to spend time with his daughter anymore because he feels that I am a bad influence. I feel devastated, betrayed and hurt beyond belief. I’ve never tried to push my beliefs on anyone else and have always respected his. I have no answers for anyone here, just want to share my sad experience.
November 24th, 2009 at 6:43 am
I am agnostic… kind of leaning more towards atheism. My fiance is a devout Christian… Baptist to be exact. His family is rather strict with their religion (they don’t believe in drinking a single drop of alcohol ever and they go to church twice a week at least). He shares most of their views and believes you must go to church every Sunday, although he has never been pushy with me about religion.
We have discussed our beliefs with each other and respect each other’s beliefs. I don’t mind going to church with him, but sometimes I just can’t bring myself to attend. He has been rather upset lately that I haven’t been with him for a few weeks in a row now. He very much hopes that we can study the Bible together and that one day I will share his beliefs. I have told him that although I respect his beliefs and try to keep an open mind about things, he should be prepared that I may never share his beliefs. He feels awful about it though because obviously that would mean I wouldn’t go to heaven with him.
Then there’s the issue of the children we will have in the future… he wants to raise them in his faith. I personally want to educate my children about many different beliefs and let them choose when they are old enough. But because he is so strong in his faith and I really don’t have one, I am ok with him raising our children in his religion. However, he wants me to be just as involved in their religious upbringing as he will be. I have told him that it just won’t be possible since I don’t share his beliefs. So this is also another issue that really bothers him.
As of now, we are just trying to understand each other as much as possible. I am really hoping he doesn’t end up believing that Christans can’t be with non-believers. We will be seeking pre-marital counsiling asap to try and help us with these issues. We very much love each other and neither one of us wants this issue to drive us apart. It is sad that love is sometimes not enough.
I would also like to say that before my fiance and I were dating, I was seeing another person who was also very religous. He told me he would break up with me if I didn’t share his beliefs so I started reading the Bible and going to church with him. He was so pushy and judgemental though and our relationship didn’t work out (obviously). Ultimiately, all he did was make me feel like all Christians are like him (I later learned that they aren’t all that way!) and push me closer towards atheism.
I am hoping that with a lot of discussion and some compromise, that my fiance and I will be able to reach a happy medium and be able to have a long happy marriage together.
Love this blog by the way!
December 6th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
As a Christian I can say that dating an Atheist is a really bad idea. It may appear to be okay in the beginning but from personal experience the cracks start to show when the relationship turns more serious.
Atheists have a whole different outlook on life and their moral values are not the same either. You begin to feel very lonely because you can never discuss your faith with an atheist. They mock you or try to make you feel small. The bible tell you not to be “unequally yoked”.
Christians should only date fellow Christians if unhappiness and disillusionment is to be avoided in the future. I speak from experience. You can’t change someone and it’s very important to be with a person who has the same mindset as yourself.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:02 am
Alright, so i’m a Christian but i’m not anything hard core. i believe in evolution and the big band theory. i don’t go to church every sunday and i don’t think that you have to ever be involved in church to still have a relationship with God, even though i occasionally like to go. i also don’t consider the bible literally because man wrote the bible. Needless to say, i’m really open about other religions and other viewpoints on theology. it’s depressing to hear the stories where people are rejected on the basis of their religion and i’m sorry to hear about them.
personally, i wouldn’t have a problem dating an atheist as long as they didn’t ridicule me on my own beliefs. the guy that i really like and have been good friends with for over 3 years is an atheist and i find it very easy to accept him the way he is. i wouldn’t pressure him into converting or attending church.
i wish that every religious background could abide in harmony without ridicule and slander against one another. I also wish that everyone wasn’t stereotyped just because you belong to a specific religion. after all, we are all humans and we will all make mistakes.
December 17th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Dear Kera,
I want to be careful how I word this, and I don’t know if you’ll ever even see this…but here it goes:
Real Christianity is a relationship with Jesus.
Not just a feeling, but real gratitude and conversation with him, because He died for our sins and was raised from the dead.
Real Christianity means obeying Him, it means doing His will.
how do you know what His will is?
It is given to us in the Bible.
God doesn’t forbid Christians from being friends with non-Christians, or atheists, or anyone, but He doesn’t want us to get caught up in their sins, rather He wants us to tell them about Jesus, with the help of the Holy Spirit they will repent from their sins.
If a Christian marries a non-Christian, it is true, one may repent, but unfortunately, the Christian may suffer real sorrow if their spouse can’t talk to them about the most important person in their life (Jesus).
You are brave enough to call yourself a Christian…that is great.
Don’t be afraid of standing for Jesus.
Church isn’t for the righteous, but sinners, poor and needy sinners.
If your church isn’t teaching you all you want to know about the Lord, then ask them why they are not doing so. Encourage them to encourage you.
Jesus didn’t waste his death on the righteous (and anyway no one is righteous), but on humans, poor and needy sinners.
Jesus Christ is God and Lord, and He will return, so don’t be caught up in other junk, do what St.Peter did, and turn your eye onto Jesus.
The Bible was written by prophets and apostles, and was inspired by the Holy Spirit. Yes, they were men, but the were inspired by God, therefor the Bible is without error. This is taken by faith, it drives atheists crazy that it isn’t logical, but faith isn’t logical. It is faith. If you have faith, it was given to you by God, even if it is only a tiny bit, it came from God and God can increase it, if you let Him (he can do it if you don’t let him too).
I will pray for you.
God is looking at your heart and if you are his, no matter what, he loves you.
If you are not quite sure if you are His or not, ask Him to forgive your sins through the death of Jesus, and then ask Him to help you.
Peace be with you.
in Christ the Lamb,
HPWK
December 21st, 2009 at 5:45 am
Dear hiltrishwes,
You obviously are brainwashed by that fuking fairy tale and your christians friends. You know why there is discrimination in the world? Coz you fuking Christians like to kick out everyone don’t worship and believe what the fuck you believe. You force everyone just same as you. I dun understand why there are always some dumbass try to brainwash people what they should do, what shouldn’t do. And then another dumbass just follow without using their fucking brain to think. I used to have a girlfriend, we love each other and then the fucking church and her friends keep brainwash her she shouldn’t being with a non christian. I’ve heard so many of these cases before just didn’t know it will happen on me eventually. This fucking religion just want to seperate lovers, families, friends etc. The ultimate devil in the world is not terrorist is your fucking god and all fucking shitty hypocrite Christians!
January 12th, 2010 at 8:17 pm
im a christian and i have a boyfriend thats a athesist and when i read 1 cor 7 :12-13 it made me happy but if i ever have kids i wonder what we can do to be fair to the kids
January 16th, 2010 at 10:46 pm
Alright…I’m going to say this without so much swearing like Pete did (no offense, Pete :])
First, to Kerra: Although I myself am not religious, I think you’re one of the best examples of christians out there. You don’t seem to be judgemental and critical of others who have different mindsets than you. You understand that the bible was written by man (surprisingly a lot of people don’t comprehend that) and you believe in a relationship, not religion. You have an openmind. I’m pretty sure tha you are quite bright and a person who could make this world a better place.
Now, to hiltrishwes: How DARE you sit there and tell Kerra that the way she practices her religion isn’t the right way? Do you know her personally? Are you PERSONALLY Kerra herself and that’s why you can assess that she’s wrong? No. Worry about yourself and YOUR Christianity. Because you, my dear, seem to be the typical, close minded, “I am superior to those who oppose me” religious people. Please, calm down and get a grip. If YOU’RE a Christian then fine. But that’s no reason to try and tell other people that they’re wrong.
There are thousands of religions across the globe, and chances are if you were raised a christian by your parents you would be a part of one of those, trying to tell everyone else that they’re wrong. That’s the problem: you all can’t be right. so just do what you gotta do, and leave everyone else be. Thanks.
January 19th, 2010 at 12:57 am
I am having a bit of trouble.
Recently I met a girl, and we just “clicked.” Talking pretty much everyday, and the more I learned about her the more I was interested, and I believe the same went for her. I knew that she was christian (I am agnostic, but leaning toward atheism) and she knew my beliefs. We continued to get along with little issue, but the other night she told me that she did not believe in human evolution, or the big bang. I was pretty devastated. I consider myself very tolerant of other people’s beliefs but for some reason it changes a lot when you consider dating that person. She went on to tell me that she wanted to wait for marriage before having sex. Again, I was hurt.
After talking with her about it at length, I realized that she herself had some doubts about her beliefs. She is accepting of my way of life… but honestly I’m no so sure of hers. We are both in our early twenties, and when I consider dating her it comes with the feeling that I would always be trying to prey upon those doubts, as I dont believe that she has enough life perspective to really make a sound decision on this issue. I am fine with christians, in general, but believing in adam and eve and snakes talking is just too much for me. Also I believe sex is an important part of developing a healthy relationship especially at our age… I dont want to be intolerant, but I also dont want to do what someone else described as missionary dating, only in reverse. I havent had such strong feelings for someone so quickly before and the whole situation makes me worried. I said all of this to her, and she backpeddaled on the celibacy thing, and some of the creationist stuff as well. It made me happy that she was willing to be rational, but I’m also worried that it was too easy. Maybe she is just telling me what I want to hear but not being honest with herself, I find myself suspicious now. If it werent for the fact that it all seems to good to be true now, I would say problems solved. I dont want problems to spread in the future that were only repressed now.
ugh, any advice?
January 19th, 2010 at 11:37 pm
I am a Christian and my boyfriend doesn’t believe in religion. Personally, I’m fine with that. I’m willing to accept that some people see life as a spiritual thing, whereas others see it more scientifically. I’m spiritual, he’s scientific, and we’re both willing to accept that about one another because we love and respect each other. The only problem is that I don’t know how my parents will feel about it. I fear that they will think it’s immoral no matter what I say about it, and make us break up. That would devastate me. My boyfriend and I may have very little in common, but we love and complete each other (not counting our beliefs). I know this could work out. I’ve seen many relationships where the partners have different beliefs work out many times before. I will say again, my ONLY fear is that my parents won’t accept it. So much, that I don’t even wanna bring it up to them. The only thing I can come up with is to circle or highlight the I Corinthians 7:12-13 verse in my Bible and keep his beliefs a secret for as long as I can, and when it does come to the light (which I know it will at some point), if they don’t accept it, show them that Bible verse and explain to them that we may be partners, but we’re still individuals; I’m spiritual, he’s scientific; nothing wrong with that. We respect what the other believes, so far we love everything about each other (even if we have very little in common), we get along great, and he treats me like a lady. I mean, would they rather me be with a guy who treats me right and makes me happy, who just happens to be an atheist, or a guy who doesn’t treat me with respect that just happens to be a Christian?
Plus, they did say “As long as he’s white and he’s good to you, he’s fine.” They never said anything about beliefs.
If anyone has any suggestions that could help me so that I don’t lose the boy I’m madly in love with, I’d love to hear em.
January 22nd, 2010 at 3:20 am
I would consider myself an agnostic with a strong lean towards atheism. I don’t know if there is a God and not having knowledge of something makes me question that it is real. I also would not consider myself a “practicing atheist”, or someone that argues with those that are religious and attempts to convert them to atheism. God is just not a part of my life and it’s that simple. I find it extremely frustrating that those who are religious say that those that aren’t are immoral. I think that by saying that THEY are being immoral and prejudice. As a child I always thought that Christians were supposed to be welcoming and non-judgemental, but as I have grown older I realize that the opposite is generally true. Christians, in my experience, tend to be the most judgemental and close minded people I’ve interacted with. About 2 years ago I had a 5 year relationship end because of religion. About 2 1/2 years into our relationship, my girlfriend became very religious and it wore on our relationship. She was extremely close minded on my point of view and would take extreme offense if I tried to speak my mind. I have found that most Christians are this way, they feel that it’s ok to express their religious views to those that are non-religious yet they take offense when those that are non-religious attempt the same thing. I’ve never spoken my mind in an attempt to convert others, but just to state my opinion and to have a healthy debate. Rarely are the debates healthy at all.
I agree with the 2nd point on how this type of relationship can work. It really depends on the degree of belief. I think those that are on more of the extreme end of either side will have a tough time keeping a serious relationship going with someone who doesn’t have the same beliefs. I think that those who are somewhere in the middle will have the best chance at making it work. Both parties have to be accepting of other beliefs and very non-judgemental. There have been many posts on here by members of all parties (ranging from extreme atheists to extreme christians) and it seems as though the extreme christians have the hardest time accepting this type of relationship and also look down on those christians that aren’t as “christian” as they are. People need to accept that the world is made up of many different people with many different beliefs and it shouldn’t be insulting to you that they don’t believe in the same things you do. I don’t understand a lot of the heated debates over religion because it can’t EVER be proven that there is a God.
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:06 pm
hey pete im christian and what you said was so funny i agree with you all those pasters and older christians say all this brain washing stuff. its funny cause im like thinking when i read what you wrote im omgs who pissed him off? lol. i agree with you cause this lady i know called my boy friend a false profiet i cant speell the word but she pissed me off she called him a demon devil and if she was me to have nothing to do with him cause he is a athesist i wanted to scream at her or something shes nuts! i told him and he said oh yeah i want to meet her ill wear my trip pants all black and stuff! i think that was funny and a great idea to do what do you think of what i said?
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:19 pm
any man or woman of race or culture any religon or non religon is welcome to chat with me any time the emo goth santanists athesists and all the others that idk about you are welcome ill be your friend all you guys rock!!! xoxo raven
January 27th, 2010 at 6:00 pm
hi galatic im a christian and the reason that christians argue about god we dont care if u agree with how the earth was made we are not saying we make more sense than what your idea of how the world came to be. christians learn about all this deep inner love emotion stuff and when we hear of a place full of peace love care and stength called heaven and how much we wanna escape this world and we truly believe their is a place like that and know we will go there someday we want everyone else to share in the peace and love etc. so your girlfriend wants you to be with her in that wonderful place but when she hears people say everybody dies someday thats what we are we live we die in the ground the worms crawl in our skulls thats the end.and shes really in love with you and attached to u and she knows thats what u think and believe inside she feels ashamed and scared that when her time comes to die she will be in paradice but she looks around and says im in heaven but im not with galatic she thinks day and night to herself saying while im in heaven all alone hes in hell burning scorched and its pitch dark the sound of screams of horrible pain and fear forever will he ever know! we love people so much we dont want them to suffer that fate and lose them torn from our arms we think if we can get u to belive as we do it will be easier to tell u stuff cause you would be more paitent to listen but we scream about god is real god did this god did that blah blah blah you get the point i hope we care about people cause they care about us and we know people want to be happy and free and have purpose and we try to be that answer to your peace but its hard to not yell when we are in love but i have a atheist boyfriend we never argue or nothing i say to myself i can be with him and love him till hes gone ill quietly drown in sadness and let him go his own way cause nothing good comes from argueing afraid to leve him but more afraid to lose i dont want him to hate me so i let him br as long as we love each other and show it ill quietly drown aka cry in madness! i hope i ws some help or if not at least you learnrd something new have a good day write me back if you want xoxo raven
February 16th, 2010 at 12:13 am
F MY LIFE. I give up, I’ll just be alone foreverrr GAHhh
February 18th, 2010 at 12:42 am
I’m agnostic and this girl I just met is Christian. We are supposed to go on a date this Friday. I’m assuming she will not eat meat when we go out for dinner because of Lent. Should I withhold eating meat to avoid an early conflict? This will only be our second date.
February 25th, 2010 at 8:49 am
Great article… nice to have hope! I was raised very, very Christian, but have now really separated myself from my roots. I still hold Christian beliefs at heart. I’ve been dating an atheist for several months now and I have held out great hope for our future. I have always respected his beliefs and have never backed away from an open conversation about our differences in beliefs. But he keeps picking on Christians and my beliefs–constantly, without anyone bringing it up. Growing up, church was a huge part of my life, and some of my best friends are from there, but any time I try and talk about them, he makes a big show of rolling his eyes and sighing. He has taken to making snide remarks about my parents–both very religious Conservatives–and he has never even met them. I really don’t know what to do. I haven’t shown it, but it’s starting to upset me. At this point, I think a long-term relationship would be very difficult. And kids? I dunno. I wish I knew how to approach this conversation without being ridiculed by someone who is in all other areas so wonderful and caring.
February 26th, 2010 at 7:36 pm
I want to be accepted for who i am and what i am. theres nothing wrong with dating christians or atheists. im miserble right now i wonder what i did to deserve the alofty glances from people. would an atheist please tell me why doesnt my bf love me like he did before you guys are all i have anymore!
March 22nd, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Great question, and one I’m pondering. There seems to be an interesting pattern here. Haven’t taken a count, but most of the replies involve an atheist guy and a christian girl. I’m a staunch atheist and have been getting to know a hardcore fundamentalist guy. Thanks for the info from corinthians….
He has no idea I’m an atheist at this time.
April 11th, 2010 at 10:28 am
Yo,
I’m a soft agnostic atheist who read this blog due to the fact that I am attracted to a very devout christian girl. She is very sweet and caring, but I have only remained a friend with her because I am aware she likes someone else. I believe she is not aware of my beliefs. She has recently invited me over to join her church, which I have for a couple weeks now. The way those pastors talk about their religion… kinda freaks me out, although they are very ‘chill’. I really do like her, but if she believes as strongly in this christian faith as those pastors do… well, I just really have a hard time admitting anything to her. I really don’t like lying in my personal morality, but I am lying about my faith by not telling her what it is. I have a bible a very old priest gave to me when I was barely ten years old. The first and second Corinthians chapters depress me. I have made friends at the church, some who go to my school. I really do like and respect this girl above many other things. I pretty much locked myself in a corner with two sides to run. I am aware of the influences of instinct in the manner, but I really don’t care (which happens to ironically also be part of that very instinct.)
Enough ranting, this is pretty much me at the present right now. Evaluate and comment if you could, but I don’t expect much. I do like her, but I would like some help knowing where to go.
April 17th, 2010 at 7:31 am
After reading this post and all it’s comments, I’ve seemed to notice a trend. Every relationship that has been stated the male is a atheist and the female a Christian. Not really any meaning behind, just felt like I should point it out. I am a Christian man, and I have been dating my atheist girlfriend for about 5 months now. She is amazing. This is for all those Christians who say you shouldn’t date atheists: If God loves them no matter what, why can’t you? I will always love my girlfriend with the same unconditional love that God has for her. My parents hate it and I’m constantly under heat from them. What they don’t seem to understand is that God, Himself, has laid it on my heart to love and date this girl. But I’ve always noticed with a lot of atheists, the only reason they don’t believe in a “higher power” is because of faith. Like my girlfriend says she’d try believe if she could wrap her mind around the whole believing in something that is invisible to you, or whatever. So I will continue to love her, date her, and pray for her everyday. God won’t give up on her, so why should I?
~
Christianity is illegal in 51 countries (or more) and millions die for God every year in those areas, trying to spread his word. They are called JesusFreaks. I, myself, am a JesusFreak.. A Martyr for His Word.
April 17th, 2010 at 7:34 am
Oh and to Jenn. You won’t be alone forever. There is someone out there for everyone.
Trust me, after being used and brushed off I found the girl of my dreams on the otherside of the country. Even in the Bible it says that God has created everyone with a partner. You just have be patient and look.
~
Christianity is illegal in 51 countries (or more) and millions die for God every year in those areas, trying to spread his word. They are called JesusFreaks. I, myself, am a JesusFreak.. A Martyr for His Word.
April 27th, 2010 at 6:13 pm
well hi ya please feel free to ask questions i’ll will listen im a good person i love u brian butcher!!!!!!!!!
April 28th, 2010 at 5:42 pm
dear illegal in 51 countries. this is barbara albright you should be just friends with her cause even though your right about god not giving up on her and you shouldnt either but you can pray for her to be saved but just be friends. cause unlike god we humans are sinners we rely on and listen to our feelings and our mind is clouded with thoughts we cant control sometimes. god can save her he can let her go or hang on to her cause he has the wisdom to know what can happen and the strength to decide what to do when the time comes. he never is torn in two directions if you do good he rewards you for it. if you do bad he punishes you for it. you choose how you want it to end the hard way a.k.a both have aurgements about god or and you keep silent till you go crazy cause you dont want to lose her cause of your beliefs but you do anyways cause she will find out anyways or the other choice break up with her tell her why and move on. well they are both hard choices um.. well good luck and God bless.
April 28th, 2010 at 5:46 pm
where does it say in the bible that everyone has a partner? not that i dont believe you im just curious
May 8th, 2010 at 9:47 am
Hey, what about the things behind the scenes here…wheres the middle ground on sex before marriage and contraception after marriage…how do you agree? Interested in hearing people’s stories… Also, where do you get married if one is atheist and the other christian…in a church where half the people didnt believe or somehwere else where the other half would get annoyed…
May 16th, 2010 at 5:32 am
I really like this guy, he is a part of a baptist church community. He has been brought up with religion his entire life, because he grew up in a refugee camp. His family is now safe here.
We both realised we liked each other, and really hit it off… eventually, he asked me out. It was the greatest moment. We went out so many times, saw each other almost every day on our holiday… but then he shared some of his fears with me.
He feels that there is no future for us. I’m not a part of his church, or any church. I have already told him that I believe there is a god… but I am not a part of any religion. My father is an atheist so I have been brought up away from any religious influence; he said it was so that one day we would be able to decide for ourselves. But now I can only see it as the thing tearing me away from the guy of my dreams.
I never even got to tell him that I love him. We were dating for only a month, but I really thought we had something great. He liked me so much, and I liked him back. He is the greatest guy I’ve ever met, the perfect guy, really… It just makes me sad to think that there is no way we could ever get our relationship to work.
He was so convinced that our relationship had no future… because I’m not a part of his community and his church. He was so worried about what everyone would think of him. For a while he said ‘Let’s forget about what everyone else thinks.’ but then he changed his mind again, and said he only liked me as a friend. He said we don’t have a future because ‘we’re too different’. I thought we could have figured it out together, but he didn’t want to try. He just gave up now, took the easy way out, leaving me behind
And now I’m left alone, he still wants to be my good friend, but how can I ever move on if he’s always there? How can I stop feeling this way about him when he’s still the same amazing guy that I fell in love with? Kind, caring, always happy, and most importantly, he felt the same way about me as I do about him. I think he does still like me, but because he feels there’s no future, he thought it for the best to break up now. It’s so depressing to think that we can never make it work. It’s so sad that he will always be restricted by his religion. I’m not against religion at all, I think it can really help people get through tough times and it’s so amazing that it can bring people together. But it should not be about rejecting relationships with those that aren’t a part of the church. If we love each other, that’s all that should matter. But he wants to keep everyone happy, so he’s let me go. What am I supposed to do now? I love him. 
May 26th, 2010 at 6:01 am
I’m a Catholic, and my boyfriend is an atheist. And although he’s a militant Atheist, religion is the least of our problems. We live in two different countries, and we’ve had a lot of issues because of that, and because my family is disagree with him. But what we have is so good, that I will stay with him no matter what. We have spoke about everything, even children, and I’m agree with him. If we love each other, we can make things work out. I’m sure we can.
June 21st, 2010 at 8:44 pm
hi guys. I would love if any of you can help me.
There is a boy. and he is a really strong christian ( anglican ) and I’m a really strong atheist, though i am willing to accept what he is. and I don’t spark arguments about religion, I used to in the past but no any more. He does love me, and I love him. but we don’t know how to over come this issue. He thinks there is no way. but I am determined to find a way. please help me
June 25th, 2010 at 9:32 pm
Hi I am an atheist and my girlfriend is Christian, we have been dating for almost two years and we got along great, she accepted me, no problem, but a month ago just out of the blue she said that God told her that our relationship isn’t part of His Will, so she told me that i have to become Christian if i want us to still be together. What am i to do?
July 11th, 2010 at 2:02 pm
Hey Chris (who wrote the June 25th post), I learned some really helpful info just now. I am currently doing some work at home while listening to family radio (most of the time, I get really pissed off at the station because they’re always talking about extremely controversial things that aren’t in the bible, but the music is soothing lo)l. But just a few moments ago, there was a pastor talking about whether a relationship with a believer and non believer is right. I had read at some point the quoted passage in Corinthians and thought it really wasn’t God’s will for a believer to be with a nonbeliever…til now! <3
To my surprise, he says God is totally cool with this and it is explained in 1 Peter 3:1-7. The pastor addresses that a Christian may want to try and ‘force’ a nonbeliever to see things his/her way, but should AVOID that!!. As a Christian, I think this is a terrible thing to do, but I can also understand the reasoning. For instance, I really love food and when I eat something I think is AWESOME, I want everyone to try it so they can feel as happy as I feel about it. So the same can go for a Christian. Christians however should beware that every person, of any walk of life has their reasons for their beliefs, and to not be respectful of that can be so hurtful…and borderline selfish.
But I digress. The 1 Peter 3:1-7 passage is against “forcing.” A believer should be humble and pretty much “lead by example.” So Chris, I’m sorry to say but your Christian girlfriend is in the wrong for giving you such a weird ultimatum. “Become Christian or I’m leaving you.” ?!?!? In a sense, that seems to me that she is “forcing,” which is not even God’s way. And what’s worse, she is insinuating that you can just have a spiritual stance without having any journey or inner change or something deeper than just checking off a box. What if you said to her “you have to stop being Christian in order to be with me,” you’d be asking her to abandon her beliefs and her foundation at the drop of a hat. I think that’s extremely ludicrous and absolutely not God’s way.
What brought me to this site is that for the past few weeks, I’ve been contemplating dating an atheist. I think he’s an incredible person and I like him a lot. But I kept trying to distance myself because I didn’t want to deal with potentially fighting and having arguments and I want to put God first. And then as I was sitting doing work, I heard that message on the radio. And also the other day, I for some reason started randomly thinking about that “When You Were Young” song from the Killers, after saying to myself “I have to date a Christian guy, who’s this and that and blah blah” So maybe these two signs are telling me to go for it. I dunno. We’ll see what happens.
I was really mad that the article because
July 11th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
I realized ‘lead by example’ is problematic and not what i mean. I moreso mean that it’s better for a person to show his/her perspective by his/her actions, gentleness and not be malicious and domineering.
July 21st, 2010 at 5:46 am
I am a Atheist but the guy that I am in love with is a Christian… I never cared before, we are young but we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I have never been so sure about anyone and him with me. We don’t care that my dad hates him and he wouldn’t leave me if his parents didn’t like me. It’s been almost 7 months and he decided to get really religious.. usually it’s the girl that is the Christian and they guy that is the Atheist but in my situation it’s the opposite. When I met him he was sorta religious and went to church and all but recently he told me he wanted us to stop having sex because he’s been a bad Christian and since he met me I’ve been changing him and he wants to be better… he wasn’t a virgin when I met him and everything is so difficult now. I am willing to make this work but I am not sure how far this will go. I disbelieve in what he believes in and I really dislike churches.. I think what he does is a waste of time. It sucks that we are so in love with each other. When he told me he needed to change I was afraid he wouldn’t be the same person he was when he broke the rules… I haven’t seen him yet and I’m scared. I never liked when he went to church, I am so terrified it won’t work. He doesn’t want to have sex anymore and he complained about me making him listen to all this other type of music that wasn’t Christian. I am nervous we can’t be the same anymore.